swerve

I remember D asking me once (not long after watching Annie Hall, if memory serves) if I ever just looked at a semi coming down the highway and thought about swerving, You know, right in front? And then drive past and find yourself shaking and wonder what that would have been like? And I laughed and said no, but I think about it. Sometimes with trucks, sometimes with trains, but most often with people. With trains and trucks you can see them coming: the lights on the rails, bouncing up off slick streets. And really, that whole messy "death" thing usually puts the kibosh on that, so the thought is fleeting.

People are harder to see, though - sometimes they look like trouble and they're not. Sometimes they look like sugar but the crash is worse. Sometimes you think you're just going to drive by and you get home fine but thinking about that near miss keeps you up at night. And sometimes you get it in your head (like the Fiona Apple song) gonna fuck it up again / gonna do another detour. Some days you see it coming and it's gonna be sweet.