on faith and groundhogs

February 2 is a busy day. The Catholics call it Candlemas, which is the feast day for the very Irish St. Brigit, which is interesting, considering she was decannonzied in the 1960’s due to lack of historical evidence of her existence. The pagans call it Imbolc, which is dedicated to the Celtic goddess Brigit (getting the feeling this Brigit chick was popular?), where it’s traditional to clean the house and prepare for spring. The American Midwest calls it Groundhog Day. Punxatawney Phil is a long way off from Brigit, and he says there’s going to be 6 more weeks of winter. (Really, Phil, do you want to throw down with a decannonized Celtic saint of goddess origins? Think carefully…)

I was walking past The Church of St. Mary the Virgin tonight and I was planning on going in and lighting a candle, but they were about half an hour into mass, so I stood at the back and watched for a few minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the church so full. I never go in for services – I like to sit when it’s just me, maybe a couple homeless people trying to stay warm, and the mad organist who sometimes likes to practice just after 5pm. Usually I’m kneeling at a pew, having some sort of epiphany and then my phone rings and then I’m fumbling through my bag trying to find the goddamned thing and now I’m going to hell because I thought goddamned and surely God heard me and why can I manage to turn my phone off in a movie but not in church and God, I’m sorry, I’m such a fucking amateur. Amen.

But tonight, as I was saying, was different. The priests were all in full vestments, and it was lit up all pretty, and there were bells and the scent of resin-burnt frankincense, and people. I mean, I haven’t seen turn out like this except maybe for Christmas and funerals. And I know I had to be standing there like a slack-jawed quasi-heathen, but it gave me a little faith in faith again, to see so many people in one room literally standing up for their belief systems. And it gave me hope for the building, too. It’s a beautiful church – you have to wonder at the ability of some of these institutions to stay open.

I wound up just coming home tonight after the gym (putting in 40 minutes on the arc trainer, in itself, required some faith) and lit a candle here for whomever, whatever. Tried to regain some focus, remind myself that the good I try to send out doesn’t always come back ten fold but it’s all right and it won’t kill me. Karma doesn’t come into play here, you know. Far as I know, Brigit wasn’t Buddhist or Hindu or even Taoist. But it paves the way for spring; it paves the way for the new.